Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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