i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
