You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
