the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
