Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We need to get me chipped asap
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
