just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
