if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
