The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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