i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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