used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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