I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So. Much. Porn.
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