they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
