Plan B is the new Plan A
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
