I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
