Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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