Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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