theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
