i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Two words: blizzard sex
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
