I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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