dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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