Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The best revenge is premature balding
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
