you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
