Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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