it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We need to rekindle our bromance
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
