I'll bet she douches with gravy.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
