my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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