Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
