i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
