I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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