I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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