im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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