He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
