You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
