Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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