Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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