My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
