Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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