I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
