Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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