I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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