lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
