Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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