Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
