I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
