My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
