i just sent this text using only my big toe
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
