I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
