my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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