My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
