Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
