I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
