If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
