Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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