Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
