Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
