My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
