He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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