he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
